Crisis of ... career?

That likely will be the last time I post about a potential position online, as I did not get the job at Misys.

While I've been turned down a lot in the seven months I've been searching (and the six months prior to getting my job at the Packet), I thought this was a slam dunk. I'm no 6'8" basketball player, but I considered myself to be, if anything, overqualified for the design position.

I didn't ask why I hadn't been chosen — I just wanted to get off the phone before she could hear me cry. I'm lame, aren't I? One of the many reasons why I was so disappointed was they had apparently made the decision some time last week and not bothered to tell the rejected candidates.

Don't get me wrong; I understand that's a fairly common practice, but I guess I assumed since I (and the other candidates who had gotten through to the final phase) would be contacted about their choice of another person.

If my dad's 25-year position there, my graphic experience and my resume were not enough to convince them I was fit for the job ... what in the world are they looking for? What else can I do?

This has all left me with a crisis of career, I suppose. What do I do now? One reason I was so excited about this position was that it didn't require me to be so creative because I'm burned out. It didn't require me to be the ultimate designer. I'm not so sure I'm qualified to be a graphic designer, as I'm really not as creative as I originally thought I was.

I have to figure out what to do now. There are so many unknowns that I don't even know where to begin.

I have to move out of my apartment. That's the one thing I'm sure of. The paper has cut the entire staff's salary, and I can't afford to live in my apartment anymore. I've already given my landlord my 30-days notice.

So where do I go? Do I potentially move in with a friend where the rent is much more manageable? Or do I go back home where my heart is and end this awful 18-month distance it's put between David and me?

If I go back home, do I just look for any old Joe Shmoe job?

Since I'm not all that psyched about my abilities as a graphic designer, do I try to figure out what else I want to do? Should I try to rethink what I want to do with my life, which, in turn, might require me to go back to school? *groan*

I'm lost. I don't have any insight as to where to go from here. I really thought the Lord was leading me right into that position at Misys, but now I have no clue. I'm devastated.

You might say, "But it's just a job. You'll find one — just keep looking. It'll come." While I realize this is true, it's frustrating because I don't know what to do now. I know that everything's going to be OK, and I'll find something. The Lord's going to work it out for me somehow. But I have to figure out what to do — and He hasn't told me that yet. And frankly, I'm a bit concerned I'm not understanding Him at all right now. I'm not angry or anything — just confused as to where He wants me to go, and how I go about figuring out what that is. I thought I knew.

I'm blue. I apologize if this is depressing or if I'm being a Donna Downer. I also understand that my day hasn't been even close to as bad as some people's ( jennibugg.blogspot.com/ — Please pray for this family if you will).

But what do I do now?

Anxious like whoa

Due to a few interesting turn of events, and now that I know I won't lose my job if the world knows this, I can now proclaim to the ... three? ... people that read this (and already know) that I'm looking for a job.

I had an in-person interview Thursday with AllscriptsMisys, the company my dad worked at for 26 years, though it was called a few other things throughout that time. The position is in their forms group. You know when you leave the doctor's office and he or she gives you a form with tons of conditions on there and the one applicable to you is checked? AllscriptsMisys makes software programs for doctor's offices and hosiptals, and the forms group makes the forms that work with those programs. So I'd be designing those forms.

Sound boring to you? Well, considering I love filling out forms (except for tax return forms because the government terrifies me), designing them sounds even more fun.

I made it to the third round in the interview process, as I've already had two separate phone interviews with the company.

I was, theoretically, the last in-person interview, but the supervisor told me that one more resume had come through. If that person doesn't get very far in the process, they will be making their offer to the chosen candidate by the beginning of this week. If that last person gets to the in-person interview, it could be the end of the week.

I'm beyond anxious for this position. I realize that it if isn't the right position that the Lord wants me to get, then I don't want it. But it's very difficult to keep that in perspective when I'm living five hours from my fiance, my best friend and my family, when I'm planning a wedding and when I have to get out of a city that is eating up every extra cent I earn through cost of living.

Palmetto Electric, my electric company, raised their rates to attrocious proportions. I literally will not be able to afford to live here during the summer if I run my air conditioning. And, as most of you know, it's ridiculously hot here, and I don't do well in really hot temperatures.

I know that if it's meant to be, I'll get the position. It's just really hard for me to get my mind off of it. I mean, at this point, I've done all I can do, impressed (or haven't) everyone that I have to and name-dropped all that I can. (Thanks, Dad!)

I have a very good feeling from the last interview, but I don't know if that's the Lord giving me peace about the fact I'll get it or me wishfully thinking. All I know, is that I love my job right now, but it's sadly time for me to go, especially with all the turmoil going on at the office right now. If someone can get their job back by my leaving, I really want that to happen.

I really can think of nothing else other than this job, and I know that's not healthy, especially if it's not the right one for me. I'm just praying with all of my heart right now that it's the right position. And if it isn't, I'll then have to ask God for the grace to accept it. But right now, I know that everyone I know is praying I get it! :)

Anyway, this is really just a post for me to get this stuff out of my head, so I can hopefully not worry about it quite as much. I'll keep you in the loop!

I'm picky, but it was good

I just tried a Stouffer's Southwest-Style Chicken Panini. As most of you know, I'm such a picky eater. But I decided to be brave and try it. Plus, it sounded delicious.

It's got cheese, chicken and bacon with a semi-spicy southwest sauce. I love it, because the bread is kind of crunchy, but the inside of the sandwich is juicy and tender.

I've tried another kind of panini from them before, but I really didn't like it. The bread was really the only good thing about it.

I apologize for the quality of the photo, but this was the only one I could find.

Bottom line: It's delicious, and you should try it.

Prom dress donations

My friends in the features department at The Island Packet published a short story in today's (Friday) paper about a group that is collecting gently used prom and bridesmaid dresses and the accessories to accompany them. Read the story at http://www.islandpacket.com/lowcountrylife/story/760472.html

I thought this was a fabulous idea. It's designed to help teenage girls that can't afford to buy their own prom dresses.

I was fortunate enough that my family could provide those dresses for me, and I remember each dress and the magical time I had wearing them. I cannot imagine how heartbreaking it would be if a young girl could not afford to look like a fairy tale princess on her special night.

The group in Bluffton, S.C., is collecting these dresses and then providing girls in the community with a chance to go "shopping" March 1. Unfortunately, I will be out of town that weekend — in the city where all of my dresses happen to be.

Does anyone in the Raleigh area know of an organization that is doing this there?

I decided just to post some photos of my time wearing each of my beautiful dresses. Ah, memory lane ...

This beautiful purple dress is from Belk, I think. I wore it to my first Junior, Senior Banquet at North Raleigh Christian Academy in 2002 my junior year of high school. Pictured with me is my date that year, my then-boyfriend, Jamin Peck. I loved this dress. It has little flowing ribbons down the back, and I had ballet slippers dyed to match the dress.


Looking back on these photos now, this teal dress is my favorite. It's so beautiful. I got it from David's Bridal. I think I wore silver flats to go with it. I wore this dress to the Junior, Senior Banquet my senior year of high school in 2003. Pictured with me is my date that year, Steven Pearce, the brother of my friend, Amy.


I actually bought this dress for an event with a campus organization at UNC my freshman year. I wore it to that event, but I don't have any photos from that; and I think I only had it on for a total of about one hour. I think I got this dress from a department store as well. The quality of this photo is not very good, but the bodice is beaded with black shiny beads, and the skirt of the dress is black matte satin — though it blends in with his tux. Shown in this photo, I wore this dress to the prom of my then-boyfriend, Thomas Boyd, my freshman year of college in 2004. Thankfully I already had it for another event, so I didn't have to buy a new one!


This beautiful crimson dress was from David's Bridal. I was the maid of honor in my friend Amy Pearce's (now Amy Moseley) wedding. I had gloves and shoes that were dyed to match. It was a wonderful dress, and it was quite similar to the teal one I bought for my senior year prom. Amy got married in December of 2005.

So most of you probably don't care about my dresses, but most of you know how much I love fashion. ;) Each of these dresses carries wonderful memories, which is why I've kept them — well, that and I'm a pack rat.

I guess every girl keeps them thinking, "What if I have an occasion to wear this again?" I've reached the point, however, of being able to give them away. I mean, if I were to ever go to an event where I needed such a dress, I'd of course want to buy a new one, right? ;)

Besides, it would mean the world to me if I could make a young girl's special evening that much more special if she could wear them. So, please, if anyone knows of another organization that's collecting gently used prom or bridesmaid dresses, let me know. I want so much to be able to give them to a good cause.

Why was six not enough?

I've had trouble understanding why a woman who has no money, no husband and no job wants children in addition to the six she already had.

Now, I'm not one of those people who thinks the death threats against Nadya Suleman are appropriate or anything. That is, of course, terrible, and I think people should at least treat her with civility. But I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why she decided to undergo in-vitro fertilization when she already has far too many children than she and her mother can care for.

While her mother, Angela Suleman, recently said her anger at her daughter's decision was softened by the sight of her newest eight grandchildren, she has gone on record as being very upset by her daughter's actions.

Angela Suleman's entire retirement check goes towards helping Nadya and her children each month. Why would someone be so selfish as to pay more money to get a procedure done to bring even one more child into the world when your family is struggling to support you. Had Nadya gotten pregnant through natural means, I would never think the child should be aborted; but this woman paid to have this procedure done.

Nadya Suleman said in interviews that she went through a period of time where she was depressed after an injury during a riot at a mental hospital where she worked in 1999. She said the birth of her first child helped her spirits, and that she wanted a large family to make up for "certain connections and attachments with another person that I really lacked, I believe, growing up."

It is not a child's responsibility to provide some sort of connection that you lacked as a child. It's your job to make sure the child doesn't experience the same thing. Trying to make up for your childhood by having 14 children is selfish and is not at all thinking of their welfare.

In these dark days of economic recession, why would you want to use your mother's money to finance a procedure which would enable you to have who knows how many more children that you will be responsible for caring and providing for? Those poor children will have a difficult life, just because she wanted a large family.

I just don't get it. It's not fair to the children. It's not fair to her mother. And it's not fair to the taxpayers that now will have to pick up the slack for raising her children.

I'll leave you with one last thought: Even if none of this makes sense, why would you want to do this to yourself?

Ouch. Also, ew.

That was a vaguely terrifying fiasco

So Tuesday afternoon, I was lying on my couch watching Friends before work. I hadn't gotten very much sleep the night before, so I fell asleep.

I realize some of you have already heard this story, but it was actually quite frightening. I just feel like getting it out there and off my chest.

I woke up about 3ish or so. I realized I hadn't had lunch and was walking to the kitchen when my neck felt a bit sore from the nap. I must have slept on it funny. So, as most of us do when we feel a bit sore, I stretched.

And something in my neck ... popped. Not only did I hear it, I felt it.

It was a little unnerving, but it didn't really hurt.

Then I turned my head to the right. I practically crumpled to the ground in pain and lost my breath because it hurt so badly. I realized that for some reason, I couldn't straighten my head, nor could I turn it to the right without experiencing that gut-wrenching pain.

I tried to stretch my neck out a little and rubbed it a bit, thinking maybe I'd just turned it funny and it would ... pop back into place? I'm not quite sure what I was thinking, but I guess I figured it would just go away.

After about five minutes of this, I started to panic. I called my dad in tears because I didn't know what to do. He told me I should try to find a general practitioner (maybe one that my co-workers used), or try to find an urgent care facility.

It turns out there's an urgent care facility about five minutes from my apartment. At this point, it's about 3:30. I had to be at work at 4:30. I called both of my bosses and left them voice mails explaining the situation. I was hoping the doctor would know what it was and be able to fix it so I could make it to work.

Have you ever tried to drive a vehicle and not been able to turn your head to the right to check for traffic? I don't recommend it. It was painful and very scary. Every time I turned my head slightly in the direction that induced said pain, I immediately took my foot off the gas because it was one of those pains that shot involuntary movements throughout your body, and I wasn't interested in ramming into anyone if my foot involuntarily floored the gas pedal.

I called David on the way and he was able to calm me down enough so that I wasn't crying. I mean, not only was I in pain with my neck tilted to the left, but I was freaking out, thinking I'd ripped, torn or strained ... something. I'm sure I looked quite odd to other drivers.

I got to urgent care without any incidents and was able to see the doctor within 15 minutes of my being there.

She was very nice and she wanted to know exactly what had happened.

With no warning, she calmly comes close to me, takes my head in her hands and begins to twist my head in different directions while putting pressure/rubbing the area I told her was hurting. She said she could feel how tense the muscle was and told me I had severe muscle spasms.

Now, while she was moving my head in all kinds of directions, I was bawling. I wasn't crying so people could hear me, but my jeans were tear-soaked by the time she was done. She was turning my head in the directions that hurt the most.

She was, however, able to relieve some of the tension, because I had more range of motion in my neck than I had when I'd gotten there.

She gave me two prescriptions: pain medications and a muscle relaxant. She also told me not to go to work, but to go home and take a bath and rest. It's definitely a good thing I didn't go back to work like I'd planned. I was loopy from the medicines, and there was no possible way I would've been able to hold my head up for eight hours in front of my computer.

I mean, I went back Wednesday (one day sooner than the doctor told me to, since she didn't clear me to go back to work until today — Thursday), and I was so out of it. I was afraid I had made some huge errors on my pages because I felt awful, and I was doped up on pain meds. Steve sat down with me last night to make some corrections, and he asked me if I was OK. I told him what had happened and he said, "But you're on something now, aren't you?" I said, "Yes." He laughed and said, "I bet you're feeling high as a kite because you have no pupils at all!"

Yikes.

So that's my terrifying adventure to urgent care. I'm still on the meds, and my neck still hurts a little, but it's definitely getting much better. I hope I never do that again. I've not felt pain like that since I tore my ACL in high school.

They saw it coming almost 30 years ago

This is why the news industry is dying:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WCTn4FljUQ

It's kind of like my dad said when I was little, "I guess the Internet thing might catch on." It did, which is why I haven't gotten a bonus, why people aren't getting raises and why some people are being laid off.

Well, that, and the fact that we're in a recession. :(

Highly unexpected recognition

So I won an award. Me. I don't win things. Ever.

I didn't think I was going to win this time, either!

The South Carolina Press Association gives out awards every year for different categories, including page design. Both newspapers I work for (The Island Packet — islandpacket.com — and The Beaufort Gazette — beaufortgazette.com) submit entries in various categories each year.

I entered pages in three categories for each paper: Page One Design, Feature Page Design, and Page Design. For Page One Design, you pick three of your best front pages to submit. For Feature Page Design, you pick three of your favorite feature fronts. But for Page Design, you can pick any single page you've ever done.

So the copy desk gathered all of their submissions and turned them in to the editors for each paper. The editors then chose a certain number of entries to submit for the contest. The papers didn't have enough money to submit everything — each entry costs $8 or something like that.

Anyway, the Packet didn't submit anything I did. The Gazette only submitted my Page One Design, which was, by far, my weakest category. So, I assumed I wasn't going to win anything. It was really unfortunate that so many of the copy editors didn't have any of their entries chosen for the contest. Our desk has some really really talented designers. I guess I kind of felt like I was in the same boat they were considering my worst work was submitted. I just knew there was no way I was going to win anything, so I kind of took the approach that nothing I had done was entered.

Much to my surprise, I won third place for my Gazette Page One Design. I only remember two of the pages that I submitted, but here they are! If you click on them, you can see them much better.

I heard the SCPA was cutting back on their costs, so I hope they're still giving out plaques like they have in the past. It'd be nice to hang mine up next to David's award!

I feel really badly having won, knowing that so many other deserving people from our copy desk should have won something, too. It's hard to be as excited about my finish when they didn't get a chance. I guess that's the bad thing about contests like this — they really are quite subjective. But our copy desk is fabulous, and I'm so proud of all the work they do. I really am in the midst of great designers every day at work.

A much-anticipated visit

I found out last night that Nicole is coming this weekend. I'm SO excited.


(This picture was taken in 2007 on our way up to North Carolina to celebrate my 23rd birthday.)

We haven't been able to spend an awful lot of time together in quite a while. She went to Missouri for Christmas to visit her parents and then went to Hong Kong to visit her brother and sister-in-law. Her nephew was really sick, so she went over there to lend support and to help them take care of their daughter. But praise the Lord that Caedmon has fully recovered!

Anyway, with me living 4 and 1/2 hours away, it's really difficult to get a lot of quality time with her. When I see her in Raleigh, it's usually only for a few hours since I also want to spend time with my family and David.

But I'm beyond excited that she's coming down for an entire weekend! YAY! Let the good times roll. We don't really have any plans, but that doesn't matter. :)

The Reader should wear more clothes

I just went to the theater and saw "The Reader." It stars Kate Winslett as Hanna Schmitz and Ralph Fiennes as Michael Berg. Although, I'm fairly certain you see more screen time of young Michael Berg (played by David Kross) trotting around Hanna's house naked than you do of Ralph Fiennes.

If you have yet to see the movie and eventually want to see it, then there might be some spoilers below — just a warning! :)

I'm not a fan of nudity in movies, but some movies don't bother me quite as much with a tad bit of it in there.

This film, however, seemed to use about a third to a half of it's time as "nakee time." I'm sorry, but I do not want to see Winslett's chest 4,890,365 times; nor do I want to see Kross' naked form from the front. Ew. I realize that the two of them were having an affair and he read to her while they were lying in bed. But it doesn't mean they needed to have that much nakedness in there. There are ways to shoot films where you know they're naked, but you just don't show it.

I'm not trying to be a prude, I'm just saying it's unnecessary. Take, for example, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." I went to go see this movie with Casey, and she and I both agreed we likely would have enjoyed the movie much more if the nudity and sex scenes hadn't been so graphic. It's just not needed.

Aside from the g raphic parts of this movie, I suppose it was OK. It's one of those come-full-circle-spanning-characters'-lifetimes type of movie. It was sad, though, and we all know that I'm not a huge fan of the movies with sad endings. It's not to say I can't appreciate them, because I do. It wasn't an awful movie, though, and I don't regret going to see it.