Crisis of ... career?

That likely will be the last time I post about a potential position online, as I did not get the job at Misys.

While I've been turned down a lot in the seven months I've been searching (and the six months prior to getting my job at the Packet), I thought this was a slam dunk. I'm no 6'8" basketball player, but I considered myself to be, if anything, overqualified for the design position.

I didn't ask why I hadn't been chosen — I just wanted to get off the phone before she could hear me cry. I'm lame, aren't I? One of the many reasons why I was so disappointed was they had apparently made the decision some time last week and not bothered to tell the rejected candidates.

Don't get me wrong; I understand that's a fairly common practice, but I guess I assumed since I (and the other candidates who had gotten through to the final phase) would be contacted about their choice of another person.

If my dad's 25-year position there, my graphic experience and my resume were not enough to convince them I was fit for the job ... what in the world are they looking for? What else can I do?

This has all left me with a crisis of career, I suppose. What do I do now? One reason I was so excited about this position was that it didn't require me to be so creative because I'm burned out. It didn't require me to be the ultimate designer. I'm not so sure I'm qualified to be a graphic designer, as I'm really not as creative as I originally thought I was.

I have to figure out what to do now. There are so many unknowns that I don't even know where to begin.

I have to move out of my apartment. That's the one thing I'm sure of. The paper has cut the entire staff's salary, and I can't afford to live in my apartment anymore. I've already given my landlord my 30-days notice.

So where do I go? Do I potentially move in with a friend where the rent is much more manageable? Or do I go back home where my heart is and end this awful 18-month distance it's put between David and me?

If I go back home, do I just look for any old Joe Shmoe job?

Since I'm not all that psyched about my abilities as a graphic designer, do I try to figure out what else I want to do? Should I try to rethink what I want to do with my life, which, in turn, might require me to go back to school? *groan*

I'm lost. I don't have any insight as to where to go from here. I really thought the Lord was leading me right into that position at Misys, but now I have no clue. I'm devastated.

You might say, "But it's just a job. You'll find one — just keep looking. It'll come." While I realize this is true, it's frustrating because I don't know what to do now. I know that everything's going to be OK, and I'll find something. The Lord's going to work it out for me somehow. But I have to figure out what to do — and He hasn't told me that yet. And frankly, I'm a bit concerned I'm not understanding Him at all right now. I'm not angry or anything — just confused as to where He wants me to go, and how I go about figuring out what that is. I thought I knew.

I'm blue. I apologize if this is depressing or if I'm being a Donna Downer. I also understand that my day hasn't been even close to as bad as some people's ( jennibugg.blogspot.com/ — Please pray for this family if you will).

But what do I do now?