Crisis of ... career?

That likely will be the last time I post about a potential position online, as I did not get the job at Misys.

While I've been turned down a lot in the seven months I've been searching (and the six months prior to getting my job at the Packet), I thought this was a slam dunk. I'm no 6'8" basketball player, but I considered myself to be, if anything, overqualified for the design position.

I didn't ask why I hadn't been chosen — I just wanted to get off the phone before she could hear me cry. I'm lame, aren't I? One of the many reasons why I was so disappointed was they had apparently made the decision some time last week and not bothered to tell the rejected candidates.

Don't get me wrong; I understand that's a fairly common practice, but I guess I assumed since I (and the other candidates who had gotten through to the final phase) would be contacted about their choice of another person.

If my dad's 25-year position there, my graphic experience and my resume were not enough to convince them I was fit for the job ... what in the world are they looking for? What else can I do?

This has all left me with a crisis of career, I suppose. What do I do now? One reason I was so excited about this position was that it didn't require me to be so creative because I'm burned out. It didn't require me to be the ultimate designer. I'm not so sure I'm qualified to be a graphic designer, as I'm really not as creative as I originally thought I was.

I have to figure out what to do now. There are so many unknowns that I don't even know where to begin.

I have to move out of my apartment. That's the one thing I'm sure of. The paper has cut the entire staff's salary, and I can't afford to live in my apartment anymore. I've already given my landlord my 30-days notice.

So where do I go? Do I potentially move in with a friend where the rent is much more manageable? Or do I go back home where my heart is and end this awful 18-month distance it's put between David and me?

If I go back home, do I just look for any old Joe Shmoe job?

Since I'm not all that psyched about my abilities as a graphic designer, do I try to figure out what else I want to do? Should I try to rethink what I want to do with my life, which, in turn, might require me to go back to school? *groan*

I'm lost. I don't have any insight as to where to go from here. I really thought the Lord was leading me right into that position at Misys, but now I have no clue. I'm devastated.

You might say, "But it's just a job. You'll find one — just keep looking. It'll come." While I realize this is true, it's frustrating because I don't know what to do now. I know that everything's going to be OK, and I'll find something. The Lord's going to work it out for me somehow. But I have to figure out what to do — and He hasn't told me that yet. And frankly, I'm a bit concerned I'm not understanding Him at all right now. I'm not angry or anything — just confused as to where He wants me to go, and how I go about figuring out what that is. I thought I knew.

I'm blue. I apologize if this is depressing or if I'm being a Donna Downer. I also understand that my day hasn't been even close to as bad as some people's ( jennibugg.blogspot.com/ — Please pray for this family if you will).

But what do I do now?

Anxious like whoa

Due to a few interesting turn of events, and now that I know I won't lose my job if the world knows this, I can now proclaim to the ... three? ... people that read this (and already know) that I'm looking for a job.

I had an in-person interview Thursday with AllscriptsMisys, the company my dad worked at for 26 years, though it was called a few other things throughout that time. The position is in their forms group. You know when you leave the doctor's office and he or she gives you a form with tons of conditions on there and the one applicable to you is checked? AllscriptsMisys makes software programs for doctor's offices and hosiptals, and the forms group makes the forms that work with those programs. So I'd be designing those forms.

Sound boring to you? Well, considering I love filling out forms (except for tax return forms because the government terrifies me), designing them sounds even more fun.

I made it to the third round in the interview process, as I've already had two separate phone interviews with the company.

I was, theoretically, the last in-person interview, but the supervisor told me that one more resume had come through. If that person doesn't get very far in the process, they will be making their offer to the chosen candidate by the beginning of this week. If that last person gets to the in-person interview, it could be the end of the week.

I'm beyond anxious for this position. I realize that it if isn't the right position that the Lord wants me to get, then I don't want it. But it's very difficult to keep that in perspective when I'm living five hours from my fiance, my best friend and my family, when I'm planning a wedding and when I have to get out of a city that is eating up every extra cent I earn through cost of living.

Palmetto Electric, my electric company, raised their rates to attrocious proportions. I literally will not be able to afford to live here during the summer if I run my air conditioning. And, as most of you know, it's ridiculously hot here, and I don't do well in really hot temperatures.

I know that if it's meant to be, I'll get the position. It's just really hard for me to get my mind off of it. I mean, at this point, I've done all I can do, impressed (or haven't) everyone that I have to and name-dropped all that I can. (Thanks, Dad!)

I have a very good feeling from the last interview, but I don't know if that's the Lord giving me peace about the fact I'll get it or me wishfully thinking. All I know, is that I love my job right now, but it's sadly time for me to go, especially with all the turmoil going on at the office right now. If someone can get their job back by my leaving, I really want that to happen.

I really can think of nothing else other than this job, and I know that's not healthy, especially if it's not the right one for me. I'm just praying with all of my heart right now that it's the right position. And if it isn't, I'll then have to ask God for the grace to accept it. But right now, I know that everyone I know is praying I get it! :)

Anyway, this is really just a post for me to get this stuff out of my head, so I can hopefully not worry about it quite as much. I'll keep you in the loop!